Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Proving Yourself

Wedding weekend.
And as and adult single, you start preparing yourself for The Question.
You practice your smile and shrug.
At best, they think you are some sort of puppy with a disease.
"There must be something we don't see." They say, and try to diagnose your problem.
At worst, they question your ability or desire for commitment and responsibility. 
Or maybe you're just gay.
But this time I have a plan.
At the appointed time I will dash out and grab that tossed bouquet.
Then I'll fuck every unattached girl from the dance. 
That should take care of 2 out of 3.
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17 comments:

  1. ipenkaDecember 14, 2011 at 12:43 AM

    BWAHAHAHA! This was hilarious. The final line clinched it for me.

    I was actually analyzing which action applied to which problem of the 3. How do you come up with this stuff?!

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  2. FangDecember 14, 2011 at 1:45 AM

    Sounds like a pretty solid plan to me!

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  3. MarkDecember 14, 2011 at 3:43 AM

    This is what I plan to do at my best friends wedding if I'm still single.

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  4. MelanieDecember 14, 2011 at 3:57 AM

    Too funny!!

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  5. The Angry LurkerDecember 14, 2011 at 4:00 AM

    I swear by the plan and the awkward questions......

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  6. BerserculesDecember 14, 2011 at 10:56 AM

    This is great! Fucking random girls is always best!

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  7. Nuker ZeroDecember 14, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    Yea, i hate when people put pressure on you to find someone.

    Annoys the shit outta me.

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  8. D4December 14, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    That's nice. Do it, then come back with results. If you're not in prison or anything, anyway.

    Me? I tell them all honestly, I says to them,I says: "Love life? I'm happy with my one night stands, I don't want to have to pay someone for their happiness yet. What the hell is wrong with you? That's like having another debt, geeze man!"

    Somehow, they usually laugh at this. It's pretty honest though.

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  9. UnknownDecember 14, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    Brilliant plan.

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  10. AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 3:43 PM

    That's a good plan.

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  11. Janie JunebugDecember 14, 2011 at 4:05 PM

    Wow! I'm impressed, and it takes a lot to impress me.

    Love,
    Lola

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  12. mamtcDecember 14, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    So, you are spending holidays with unattached strangers, sounds "exciting" :)

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  13. AnonymousDecember 14, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    dem girls will be yours.

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  14. WorkingdanDecember 15, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    Masterful plan! I hope it works out for you!

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  15. MRanthropeDecember 15, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    GENIUS!

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  16. SomeoneDecember 16, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    i was always the worst at getting a girl to look at me, then i stoped caring and it just happened.
    facebook timeline

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  17. DWeiDecember 17, 2011 at 3:58 AM

    That'll be a wedding to remember for sure.

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