Notstradamus

Some of you might not know this, but in between my careers of being a short story writer, poet, and binge drinker, I also dabble in making predictions.  These all come to me in lucid dreams while I lay in my hang over funk.  Luckily for you today, I found some hidden predictions in one of my notebooks.  Ladies and gentle men I present to you NOTstradamus.

Catagory: World Events
In the West there will be a man
who does evil deeds.
By evil, I mean some seriously
fucked up shit.
The entire world will look at his
deeds and say 
"Seriously, that's pretty fucked up."

Catagory: Weather and World Events
A river in the middle of the land shall rise.
and even though it has happened many times before.
People will act in shock and
be surprised by it.

Catagory: Sports
 And a great Coach shall come
save the wondering team.
Adoration from the crowds
will echo,
but like echos, will not last.
As he leaves in disgrace
no fan shall claim him.

These are all I could find right now.  As you can see, they are all very frightening pictures of our future, so I avoid looking at them as much as I can.  But I felt like I must warn the world of least a part of what is coming.  It is, after all, my destiny.