Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Glory Hole


The oil dripping robotic arm burst through the wall and wrapped its rough fingers behind my head. He slammed my face into the already broken tile above the urinal until I thought I would finally see my attacker face to face.

But I never did get to see him, and he wouldn't stop until I slipped five dollars through the slit in the wall.

Some times are worse than others, but the first time is usually the worst.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

On Auto Care, Poverty, and Priorities


The car is leaking oil. Not really leaking but more dripping. Slobbering. Drooling. But the good news is that it's only when it runs. I think. It's hard to diagnose these things on your own.
I just can't bring myself to tell anyone. For a guy, a car problem you have no idea how to fix can be as bad as a medical one.
My big leaking anus, sitting in the driveway, dribbling that black fluid down my leg.
I keep giving it vitamins (a quart a week) and finally got some cheap stop leak for gaskets in there. So that should work (if that's what the problem is) in 200 miles or 3 days.
(200 miles? Do they have any idea how long it takes me to put 200 miles on that thing? I pray for 3 days)
You can tell my path to and from work by the black dot trail.
The pile of oil soaked lawn clippings where I park is approaching an environmental disaster. (The rains do nothing to kill it. Its rainbow blood flows down the driveway, yet the body remains)
My hope is to have it fix itself before my landlord notices (or gets fed up).
I should just take the car in, and pray for the cheap miracle fix (something that only happens in movies). But forget it, I've got trips (family trips, friend trips) planned for next month.
And I know the mechanic doesn't make payment plans.
So I'll go in when I get back and really am broke. So I can legitimately claim poverty when the diagnosis comes.
And then?
I might end up still buying toilet paper for my leaking anus.
But at least I'll know what the problem is.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Living Room Wildlife


The shoelace on the floor picked up its head and started writhing its way across the matted carpet. The Drunk sat on his couch and watched, sipping from the bottle.

He'd noticed it had moved from place to place, but just figured he'd done it with his feet, or in the lost moments.

He looked for the shoe amidst the clutter. It might be fun, to lace a writhing shoelace.

Would it bite?

But just as he found the shoe, the lace fell limp and lifeless.

Clutching the shoe and bottle, he intently waited for it to return to life.

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Saturnalian

The good people over at The Saturnalian, a new site dedicated to publishing flash fiction, have published my short story you know as Free Lunch.  Or, as it is now known across the pond, The Kindness of Strangers

There are a few minor changes besides the title, but such is the life of High Literature. 

So go over, check them out, and perhaps submit some stories of your own.  They get back to you very quickly with your submissions, and are generally kind even if the quality is sub-par. 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Summer is Cancelled


He got an envelope with his sign up sheet and money returned to him. “Lack of interest in the summer league”
It explained. 

His heart dropped, and quickly felt foolish. The anxiety over deciding to join, the imaginary future conversations, even the jogging to get in shape; they all seemed very stupid.

He was glad he hadn't mention it to his family yet. Or maybe he had learned to expect something like this.
So to them, he'll have another lost summer, spent like very other one in the past.

But they won't know it wasn't from lack of trying.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Parade

The Man’s lights tempted epilepsy as they bounced off the buildings and our eyes on the once quietly-profitable night. As Brown Beverly thundered through the burnout street we knew the crackdown had begun.

Treev kept a keen eye on the road as he threw his paper hat out the window and tore the magnetic ice-cream sign off the side of his door.

“I told you it wouldn’t work!” I yelled over the blaring sirens of the cop car and jingling bell music of Brown Beverly’s stereo.

“Of course it worked,” Treev replied, watching the rear-view mirror; “it worked for a good half-hour or so.”
I turned in my seat to scan the back window and was nearly blinded with dazzling lights of whites and blues in every sort of flashing and blinking pattern. “I’m not sure that’s a good measure of success,” I replied.
“Well how was I supposed to know some fatty kid would turn rat on us? What’re they doing out this time of day anyway? Where’re their parents?”

The crackdown by the Prohibition Police had begun in earnest when the mayor’s son bought a nicotine product that was not even of the quality reserved for enemies or informers, and was forced to spend his entire horrible spring break sick and in bed.

Naturally the Pro-Po assumed that Treev had sold him the offending sin stick–an assumption that would have been obvious if it was true.

When we reached Stronghold Bergstrom Way, Treev violently jerked the wheel and with a loud rubber squeal we turned onto the street, which was packed with the usual mob of dead ends and wasted gestations. These were the lost souls that even Pathetic forgot and had nothing better to do on a Tuesday night but aimlessly wander the streets like scattered trash blown about by the breeze of human existence.

“I dunno,” I yelled over to Treev, grabbing my armrest and listening to loud-speakered commands to pull over, “maybe he just wants to buy some ice-cream.”

“Ditch it!” was all Treev replied, motioning first to the back seat and then out the window to the stumbling horde of hopelessness.

I turned again in my seat and grabbed fistfuls of sin stick packs, tossing them out the window onto the street, watching our profits get taken away in the winds of our desperation.

It was then that something began to happen.

I’m not sure if it was the blaring of the bell music or the lights and the sirens or the tossing of tempting treats, but something was knocked loose in the addled cobwebs of the mass’s mind and the people on the sidewalk started to act as if we were the lone members of a parade of some sick holiday long forgotten. Like a seeping sludge wave, closer the people edged towards our car, hands outstretched and clapping. Faces that just minutes before had been caked in despair were now washed clean by grinning and laughing.

There were more than a few thumps on the car as some wandered too close to our impromptu parade. “By Svenpooly, these freaks are worse than the Feral Deer!” Treev exclaimed while trying to keep control of Brown Beverly.

I turned and watched with relief as the distance between us and the police car increased. The crowd had completely surrounded the blaring light show, slapping dirty hands and bearing rotten teeth into the cruiser’s helpless windows. Handicapped by compassion for his fellow man, the poor Pro-Po had to stop his pursuit, left mired in a mass of confused jubilation.

When it became clear that we would be safe, Treev eased off Brown Beverly’s suicidal speed, and as we watched the lights quietly die in the mirrors we exhaled in our sweat-sodden seats.
Treev dug around between our seats, found a cigarette and lit it before turning off the music. The silence of the road prevailed as we took a right onto the Frey-Weichel Bridge, heading home after another long night of working.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Summer Romance

The train whistles echo through the concrete valley into my open window. I'm trying to air out the place, after winter months of funk building up you can feel it on your skin.
The last time I left the window open while I went to bed I woke up with a toothless, loose skinned girl on my couch.
She was nice for a few days, and knew how to pay her way, until I came home from work with my television missing and a turd floating in my fish tank.
Some say I'm crazy, but I really miss that girl.