The car is leaking oil. Not really
leaking but more dripping. Slobbering. Drooling. But the good news
is that it's only when it runs. I think. It's hard to diagnose
these things on your own.
I just can't bring myself to tell
anyone. For a guy, a car problem you have no idea how to fix can be
as bad as a medical one.
My big leaking anus, sitting in the
driveway, dribbling that black fluid down my leg.
I keep giving it vitamins (a quart a
week) and finally got some cheap stop leak for gaskets in there. So
that should work (if that's what the problem is) in 200 miles or 3
days.
(200 miles? Do they have any idea how
long it takes me to put 200 miles on that thing? I pray for 3 days)
You can tell my path to and from work
by the black dot trail.
The pile of oil soaked lawn clippings
where I park is approaching an environmental disaster. (The rains do
nothing to kill it. Its rainbow blood flows down the driveway, yet
the body remains)
My hope is to have it fix itself
before my landlord notices (or gets fed up).
I should just take the car in, and
pray for the cheap miracle fix (something that only happens in
movies). But forget it, I've got trips (family trips, friend trips)
planned for next month.
And I know the mechanic doesn't make
payment plans.
So I'll go in when I get back and
really am broke. So I can legitimately claim poverty when the
diagnosis comes.
And then?
I might end up still buying toilet
paper for my leaking anus.
But at least I'll know what the
problem is.
Put cardboard under your car and wee when it drips from exactly then go under your car find the leak and use duct tape to close it.
ReplyDeleteSame thing for the leaky anus.
I loved the punchline on this one
DeleteGravelly kitty litter soaks up leaky oil like a champ! I swear, they should make health insurance for cars.
ReplyDeleteProbably depends on location and the "trips" are probably not manageable with it. Still may be worth looking into a bicycle?
ReplyDeleteWorks for the basics and the only thing that might leak is air! It's so hard to find a reliable mechanic.
Man I hope it works and doesn't need an expensive fix. It can be really rough when a car dies. My dad keeps dying.
ReplyDeleteIf your car is dilating for too long and if the doctor mechanic isnt checking, it may pop out or poop out something gross. Get it checked or fixed ;)
ReplyDeleteSell it and get a bike. Nothing manlier than pedaling to work. Wear a helmet. Yeah.
ReplyDeleteI had a car for 4 years with an oil leak...
ReplyDeleteI tried for ages to find it but then just gave up and kept topping it up.