Tuesday, June 5, 2012

On Auto Care, Poverty, and Priorities

The car is leaking oil. Not really leaking but more dripping. Slobbering. Drooling. But the good news is that it's only when it runs. I think. It's hard to diagnose these things on your own.
I just can't bring myself to tell anyone. For a guy, a car problem you have no idea how to fix can be as bad as a medical one.
My big leaking anus, sitting in the driveway, dribbling that black fluid down my leg.
I keep giving it vitamins (a quart a week) and finally got some cheap stop leak for gaskets in there. So that should work (if that's what the problem is) in 200 miles or 3 days.
(200 miles? Do they have any idea how long it takes me to put 200 miles on that thing? I pray for 3 days)
You can tell my path to and from work by the black dot trail.
The pile of oil soaked lawn clippings where I park is approaching an environmental disaster. (The rains do nothing to kill it. Its rainbow blood flows down the driveway, yet the body remains)
My hope is to have it fix itself before my landlord notices (or gets fed up).
I should just take the car in, and pray for the cheap miracle fix (something that only happens in movies). But forget it, I've got trips (family trips, friend trips) planned for next month.
And I know the mechanic doesn't make payment plans.
So I'll go in when I get back and really am broke. So I can legitimately claim poverty when the diagnosis comes.
And then?
I might end up still buying toilet paper for my leaking anus.
But at least I'll know what the problem is.


  1. Put cardboard under your car and wee when it drips from exactly then go under your car find the leak and use duct tape to close it.

    Same thing for the leaky anus.

    1. I loved the punchline on this one

  2. Gravelly kitty litter soaks up leaky oil like a champ! I swear, they should make health insurance for cars.

  3. Probably depends on location and the "trips" are probably not manageable with it. Still may be worth looking into a bicycle?

    Works for the basics and the only thing that might leak is air! It's so hard to find a reliable mechanic.

  4. Man I hope it works and doesn't need an expensive fix. It can be really rough when a car dies. My dad keeps dying.

  5. If your car is dilating for too long and if the doctor mechanic isnt checking, it may pop out or poop out something gross. Get it checked or fixed ;)

  6. Sell it and get a bike. Nothing manlier than pedaling to work. Wear a helmet. Yeah.

  7. I had a car for 4 years with an oil leak...
    I tried for ages to find it but then just gave up and kept topping it up.