Friday, October 7, 2011

History of the Raccoon.

I've never done requests before.  But fortunately for Hasidic Plumber, I do in fact have a true story involving raccoons.  (and also I've never actually gotten a request)
So if you like it, I'll happily take all the credit.  If you don't, go to his page and blame him because it was his idea. 
Or how knows, maybe I will take requests in the future. 

History of the Raccoon

Raccoons.
Furry little imps, cute trouble makers of the suburban wildlife. 
Broken purr louts, eaters of garbage and dog food.
They smell like the living dead, their black paws speak of necrosis.
They say that the black face is like a mask, but I know the truth.

One summer in high school I went away to go work with a brother. 
The work sucked, but that was also the summer I met Tessa.
A farm girl and Tamer of Raccoons.
She loved her babies, and they loved her.
One especially, more than he should.
After work I'd walk across the pasture to go see her,
and give her the time in the barn as he watched.
The raccoon, heartbroken and pale faced, tried to forgive her, time and again.
Until it was too much. 
He went back to his room, looked at his crying face in the mirror.
He put on his saddest record and slowly painted his eyes black.
Black as the void left in his heart.
He looked at his new visage, pleased that he finally looked how he felt.
Under our sounds in the loft he softly whispered to his reflection
"Goodbye"
Then with a trembling black paw he reached for the gun.
And shot himself. 

23 comments:

  1. May the racoon's soul RIP.
    In future if I have racoon problem, I should call you? and you could take care of this mass suicide or you need that Tessa girl too?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, i didn't know that raccoons life was so hard. That's a dark view on our furry friends. I will make sure to mention you on my today's post. People needs to know that being a raccoon aint easy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wonder if the plumber would find that as a happy ending or not. I'm unsure.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Have for the life of me not seen a racoon in real life. They're not al that common here, anyway, but still...

    ReplyDelete
  5. This kind of reminds of the article I read about a guy who hunted raccoons and turned them into jerky. ._.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I just realized that I've never seen a raccoon in person. O_o

    ReplyDelete
  7. haha another posts about racoons

    ReplyDelete
  8. Raccoons are better than humans.

    ReplyDelete
  9. How could you do in in front of poor raccoon? Heartless bastard! xd

    ReplyDelete
  10. Curious....
    "One summer in high school I went away to go work with a brother."
    You went with another of your parents' children? Or did you go with a black guy?
    Raccoons-best when they end up as Road Pizza.

    ReplyDelete
  11. it's a hard knock life....even for animals.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow... I had no idea raccoons were so emotional. What a horrible life.

    ReplyDelete
  13. nicely done, you are very talented!

    ReplyDelete
  14. The plumber and his raccoon obsession scares me sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  15. these arent the droids your looking for

    ReplyDelete
  16. You forgot to mention raccoons are also superheroes.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I once saw a raccoon in some bushes. Your move.

    ReplyDelete